I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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