It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
