well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
