I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
