oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
