why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
