____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
