apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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