I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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