I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
