So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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