I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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