I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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