I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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