Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize