You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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