Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I need moral support for this bender
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
