Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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