chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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