Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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