Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
