Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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