its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
