We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
