will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
