I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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