you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
