He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
