The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
