definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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