Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
