Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
