6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
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