I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
