i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
