So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
