Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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