Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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