U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
