Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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