Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My feet surprised me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
