it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
