Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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