Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
