That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
