farters have to be the big spoon...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
