Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
