Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
