I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize