I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
as a side note pls kill me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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