i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
