If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
