I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
