And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
