My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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