i love accidental penises.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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