My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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