we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Drunk is not a location!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
