You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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