Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
