cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
