now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
