genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
