I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
