Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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