So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
