when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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