We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
