Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize