So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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