I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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