Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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