dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
