im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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