Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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