If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I need a beard to bite.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
