If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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