I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
