Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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