is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize