Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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