even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
