So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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