Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize