I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
