When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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