Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
