Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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