Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
