Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Randomize
