Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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