Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
