If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
