You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
