my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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