Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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