He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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