Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
