This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Found the puke drawer
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
