I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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